can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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