My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
