His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
