Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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