so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
