What did we do last night that was yellow?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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