I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
