I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
