Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I need moral support for this bender
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
