I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
