Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
