You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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