Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just want nice things and good sex
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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