Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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