His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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