no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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