You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize