Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
