I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.