Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(269): View more from Michigan

You're my little dorito

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(269): You're my little dorito http://tfl.nu/8gay

Replies (4) Good night (1754) Bad night (700)
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(314): View more from Missouri

Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?

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(314): Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent? http://tfl.nu/oc2y

Replies (20) Good night (992) Bad night (1983)
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(415): View more from California

I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?

(510): View more from California

I hope so

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(415): I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die? (510): I hope so http://tfl.nu/tt2l

Replies (41) Good night (2218) Bad night (5232)
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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.

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(902): Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight. http://tfl.nu/0w7l

Replies (25) Good night (4516) Bad night (638)
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(416): View more from Ontario

Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.

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(416): Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard. http://tfl.nu/iuc0

Replies (20) Good night (4836) Bad night (766)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.

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(604): Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling. http://tfl.nu/zskd

Replies (14) Good night (7342) Bad night (1127)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar

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(781): You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar http://tfl.nu/4b1n

Replies (6) Good night (2269) Bad night (1017)
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(248): View more from Michigan

Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.

(248): View more from Michigan

There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.

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(248): Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby. (248): There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction. http://tfl.nu/82qp

Replies (5) Good night (2595) Bad night (925)
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(314): View more from Missouri

At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?

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(314): At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving? http://tfl.nu/o7j4

Replies (10) Good night (4424) Bad night (975)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...

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(724): My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out... http://tfl.nu/jne9

Replies (5) Good night (2755) Bad night (986)
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(435): View more from Utah

Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.

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(435): Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender. http://tfl.nu/assa

Replies (4) Good night (1047) Bad night (587)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.

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(860): I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't. http://tfl.nu/dn0x

Replies (4) Good night (984) Bad night (310)
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(716): View more from New York

I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.

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(716): I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you. http://tfl.nu/g31r

Replies (1) Good night (670) Bad night (325)
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(314): View more from Missouri

I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.

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(314): I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel. http://tfl.nu/ipcm

Replies (0) Good night (493) Bad night (352)
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(231): View more from Michigan

Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.

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(231): Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did. http://tfl.nu/4mxe

Replies (0) Good night (483) Bad night (320)

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