Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
be right there i have to get my cape
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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