Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me