So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
