Got a toothbrush?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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