Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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