new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
