Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
