My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
How naked do you want me to be?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
