Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i would punch a child for taco bell
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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