I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Randomize
