Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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