this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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