I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
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