a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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