apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
