I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
