do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
