i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
