i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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