my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
