He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I have fence marks all over my body
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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