I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
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and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
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I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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