So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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