I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The beer is more important than you right now.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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