I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
