...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Betty ford says i'm here all night
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
