Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
