remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
