i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize