hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
