Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
