I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
