yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
