I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
