the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
