What a fucking waste of an outfit
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
