she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
