drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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