I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
