I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
