with your own penis?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
