I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
