The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
