is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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