Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.