In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating