the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
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I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
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I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet