hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS