She said her name was "party"
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
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I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
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There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Did we just second hand smoke crack?