Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.