then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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