so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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