hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
