yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
