Acid is not a monday night drug
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Such a big mess for such a small penis
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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