that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
